A night out in Peterborough is a night like no other.
It may not have the most clubs to choose from, or the cheapest drinks around, but it does not have any character – in droves.
No matter how many vodka and orange's or VKs you consume, there will always be a few stand out memories from the night.
Peterborough night out.
1. One too many pitchers in 'Spoons before
Ahh the humble Wetherspoon pitcher, an absurd quantity of alcoholic beverage for less than a tenner. We'll take five please squire.
2. Drinking said Spoon's pitcher through a straw – who needs glasses any way?
As great as the new eco-friendly straws are, they do not quite make it through a full pitcher before disintergrating.
As your server brings the brightly colored pitcher of joy to the bar they'll ask: "How many glasses would you like that?"
You assume I am sharing … haha rude. I'll just take a bunch of straws please!
3. Queuing for what feels like forever for a taxi
It's the end of the night, your feet are aching, you're swaying a little too many jagerbombs and all you want is to go home and curl up (read: pass out) in bed.
The queue for the taxis starts to grow.
Sure you could walk to another taxi rank, maybe you just make it to the station, but you just want to get in a taxi and go home.
So you stand outside the Red Room entrance and you wait.
4. The mid-evening trip to the Tesco cash point
This is down to one of two things; either you've gone a bit wild in 'Spoons and blown all your money, or you've just come back to Peterborough ,
There's a few people milling around, and you might make some friends to take it back to the club with you.
5. Getting on the stage at flares and serenading your friends
Serenade your friends on the light up dancefloor below, or just to use it as a vantage point when you loose everyone.
The stage at Flares plays a variety of roles, just do not let the bouncer guarding the stairs notice that you're unsteady on your feet, or you may be resigned to the sweaty dancefloor below with the other peasants.
6. Losing everyone in the maze of Edwards / Red Room / Flares
So there are two entrances from outside, into Edwards downstairs, or through the Red Room door and up the stairs.
But once you've got it back, it's just like that! " out of the night as you all look at eachother, like a sketch out of a classic comedy.
7. Leaving Spoons to get their stamp on Edwards before they raise the prices after 11
It's a well-known secret that clubs tend to offer.
Though the College Arms is right across the street from the entrance to Edwards / Red Room / Flares, one of the perks of Petebrorough's nightlife.
So you can go and pay for your entry, get your stamp, maybe stay for one drink so it looks like you went in intentionally, and then you get back to 'Spoons for a few more drinks before the dancing starts.
8. Becoming best friends with someone in the toilets
Now it applies to the gents, but in the ladies there will be compliments flying about the place as people bond over mutual friends, ex-boyfriends, and a shared love of the sesh.
You'll add each other on Facebook, and you'll be back with your friends, and then you'll never see each other again announcement and you wonder who on earth they are.
9. Hearing someone's life story in the toilets
Drama in her life. The opposite is true.
You can handle this one of two ways; either go about your business or use the toilets on the opposite side;
You become the agony aunt to end all agony aunts, giving out life advice like Oprah giving out prizes.
You get a pep talk! You get a pep talk! You get a pep talk!
10. Ladies – singing along with the women selling lollipops, gum, deodorant and flip flops in the toilets
Again, it's just that in the ladies. But there's a whole lot of them for sale, whether it's a spray of deodorant or perfume, a piece of gum, a lollipop or even a pair of flip flops – they've got you covered.
One of the quirkiest bits is their songs, which will undoubtedly remain stuck in your head for the rest of the night.
11. Chill Grill, or whichever nearby takeaway is open, sat on the street
The days of Chill Grill may be behind us, but there is still a variety of options for your late night snack.
Whether you're a thunder kebab person or a cheesy chip connoisseur, you can guarantee that due to the paint of any nearby seating, you'll resort to the cold floor while you cradle your food.
12. You will inevitably see someone relieving them down some back, usually near the market
When it comes to turfing out of time you join the queue for the taxi, and if you gotta go, then you just have to hold it.
Unfortunately some people do not like the same bladder control and they want to find out what they are talking about.
13. Feeling like a god when you remember every word in the Fresh Prince theme song in Flares
The Prince of Bel Air wants to play across Flares, you want to turn to your friend as soon as you get there.
"Now this is a story about my life got flipped turned upside down, and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how Bel Air."
14. Trying to wait outside the toilets for your friend without getting moved on by security
Because if you go back into the club you'll never find each other again!
15. The Grease Megamix wants to come on, and you will do the dance
Regardless of who you know all the words, or who can hear those high notes of summer nights, everyone knows the Greased Lightning dance.
Grease lightnin ', go grease lightnin'! "Go, grease lightnin ', you're burning up the quarter mile.
16. Cotton Eye Joe wants to come on, and someone wants to fall over
You hear Cotton Eye Joe from wherever you are in the club, and it's like a calling.
Where did you come from? Where did you go? You're not sure you've ended up on the Flares dancefloor with your best friends, furiously swinging each other round and round.
Someone wants to be a bit too fast and end up falling over, but it's so worth it.
17. Flares teapots which nobody ever buys
They're always advertised, sometimes you'll see the odd teapot sitting on the edge of the room, but you've never actually …
18. Someone always falls down the stairs
Whether or not you're in a hurry, there's plenty of room to go to in any of the three sets of stairs in Edwards / Red Room / Flares.
19. Be prepared for awkward encounters with younger siblings / their friends
Peterborough for a reunion or to visit family …
Peterborough – Peterborough – Peterborough, Peterborough jagersbombs in Edwards … jagerbombs in Edwards … with their pocket money to buy jagerbombs in Edwards …
20. There's always that one couple – screaming at each other one minute, professing their undying love the next
It could be during your journey from the College Arms to the clubs, your mid-evening cash point run, or at the end of the night when you're scoffing your takeaway and waiting for your taxi – there will be a couple having a screaming match before passionately making up, and making out, in the middle of the path / smoking area.
Peterborough is great so why do people still give the city a bad name?