There is so much to disgust all the terrible activists of Extinction Rebellion who decided to paralyze London for two weeks.
They lie on the road, in their respirator paper masks and their combinations of hazardous materials and their red hoods, with oxygen tanks on their backs, assuming that normal people determine what all this means.
Yeah. That the person who wears it is crazy.
I know this symbolism makes sense when you're 18 and sitting in a tent soaked in hemp.
But that sounds silly for those who are not, what's the word, smashed.
And then there are all the nonsense "awake". Standing on one leg on a plastic yoga mat on the Westminster Bridge. And stage a lesbian wedding. And sobbing because you just watched a documentary starring John Cusack and you think a tidal wave is coming.
WHAT IS THAT?
And what is it for?
Not much, because all departmental officials who work tirelessly to reduce the carbon emissions of the planet can not get to work, their route being blocked by a degenerate yurt.
All this is embarrassing. This makes me desperate for the future they have planned as much as for the future we have given them. But what really causes itchy nose and tooth movement is their hypocrisy.
We have to assume that since they have two free weeks in Westminster, they do not have a job. Which means that they take money from the government.
And where does the government get this money? Well, the truth is that a large part comes from oil companies.
So who are you paying, Mr. Swampy, to get around with your bongo drums and dreadlocks? BP. That's who.
And there's more.
This high visibility jacket that you wear. And your shoes. And the tent in which you live. And the screen of your mobile phone. And the stickers on your laptop bag. All of this is made from oil and gas.
You stand there with your sign saying that fracking is a suicide, but you do not realize, because you're a fool, that without fracking, there would be no ethane. And without ethane, your underwear would have no elasticity. So, they fell all the time.
And without oil, there would be no yoga mats either.
These people want the world to reduce greenhouse gas emissions to zero within six years.
Why do not they give the example and get rid of everything that is made from oil or gas?
No more phones. No more clothes. No more yoga. And when it's time to go home, no transportation to get there.
WAILING FOR HESSY
TWO minutes after Hessy's lifeless carcass, the humpback whale, was transported from the Thames Estuary, people began to speculate on the type of activity caused by humans. who killed him.
The pestle of a ship carrying nuclear waste, perhaps? Or a fungicide thrown into the sea by a heartless farmer? Or this favorite old favorite, climate change?
The latest theories are that Hessy died of starvation – or after being hit by a ship.
As far as I know, no one has suggested that Hessy may have died of old age.
The Institute of People Who Know What's Right for Us decided that in the future, no television show could claim a Bafta if it did not have a well-diversified cast of characters.
This is a problem for historical series like The Tudors – and if someone made a documentary about the neo-Nazi movement, he would probably have a hard time filling it with the appropriate number of transgender people.
This is good for my new agricultural show, because, although most of the actors are composed of about fifty male compatriots, two come from Wales and one is Irish. And the director is a Scottish.
ARMED FARCES OF OLD
There was a lot of hilarity this week on the news that, throughout the Cold War, Britain's nuclear defense system was based on the Automobile Association and automatic charging calls from payphones.
If Russia had launched its missiles while the Prime Minister was in his car, his driver would have been contacted via the AA radio system and then would have driven as quickly as possible to a payphone so that Harold Macmillan could use a retroactive charge appeal. launch our bombers.
And now what?
Well, I was drinking in a pub in North Yorkshire and, in a back hallway, there was a strange gray box tied to the early warning radar station of the nearby RAF Fylingdales.
"If that happens, said the landlord, I have four minutes to tell all the farmers in the area to bring the sheep into their barns."
I pointed out that this would be impossible and the owner agreed. "So, if it goes off," he said, "I'll bring all the customers to my cellar and we'll drink a lot."
Do not make strange
An extraordinarily qualified surgeon managed to attach the jaw of a 15-year-old girl after she fell off her horse and landed on a fence post.
X-rays show that the broken bone was so far from the skull that it did not even appear in the same postal code.
But today is back and I wish Emily Eccles a long and happy life.
Without horses in it.
She claims that the accident occurred after a wheezing car scared him.
But this seems unlikely, as no cars have "returned" since about 1927.
More likely, the horse was frightened by a leaf, a paper bag, a wind blast, a door, a cloud or a rain spot. Or any of the other millions of things that panic these damn things and throw people away from their shoulders.
SHARE THE JOKE
Social media is the subject of a lot of bad press – but the truth is that this is the only place where you can find a really great comedy.
Yes, there are still funny men on the radio and on television but they are too constrained these days by the terror of giving offense.
Every morning, however, I go to WhatsApp and someone will have sent me something that would literally make me laugh out loud.
None of this could possibly be said or shown in public.
It's often scandalous, but it's for me and my friends who think the same way.
Other people can not be offended because they can not see it.
It is for this reason that it is the last secret place of the famous British sense of humor.
Respect traditions – but not in the UK
Climbing to the top of Ayers Rock will soon be banned after Australian government officials acknowledged that it was a sacred aboriginal site.
Boris' agreement came back from the dead – a remarkable turnaround
Coleen Rooney, if you want to keep a secret, maybe do not do it on Instagram
The sun says
Benedict Cumberbatch and other celebrities should do what they preach
The sun says
We are skeptical about this "way" Boris and Leo Varadkar posed
We are seeing similar things in America and Canada. Nowadays, all over the world, it has been felt that, if you arrive recently in a country, you must respect the traditions and beliefs of those who have lived there for centuries. You can not just come in and insist that they adapt your strange clothes, your particular religions, and your unusual songs.
When you get off the boat, you must understand that the traditional way of life must be respected.
Unless you come to the UK, our traditional way of life does not matter.