A survivor of the attack by Salisbury Novichok fears that the poison is slowly killing him.
For the first time since the fight against meningitis, Charlie Rowley (45) talks about how he loses his sight, has heart problems and had a number of strokes.
The crying Charlie says, "Novichok could kill me. It's in my head all the time. I'm scared. "
Charlie today reveals the physical and psychological hell that Russian executioners have inflicted on him.
Charlie, an unintentional victim of the poison attack in Salisbury, has poorer eyesight and fears that he remains permanently BLIND.
He spent days in a COMA, had numerous STROKES, under the contract of MENINGITIS and now needs a pacemaker.
His mind is in turmoil, and nightmares and flashbacks have made him suicidal.
Charlie is convinced in one way or another that the poison will kill him.
He also spoke of the fateful moment in which he opened the bottle – disguised as a perfume Premier Jour – and his girlfriend Dawn Sturgess, 44, splashed her on her wrists.
Within fifteen minutes she sat at her mouth and foamed. She died 10 days later.
In his first interview since leaving the hospital, Charlie, 45, cried as he said to the Sunday mirror, "I'm not in the hospital, but I'm not sure. I am afraid of the future.
"Doctors just do not know what the long-term effects might look like.
"The worst part was the fear of my eyes. I have trouble seeing and walking properly.
"I am one of only a few people in the world who has survived Novichok. I feel like a guinea pig. I do not know what will happen tomorrow. "
The bottle contained the deadly nerve agent that was deployed in Salisbury, Wilts, in March in the assassination of Sergei Skripal, 67, and daughter Yulia, 33.
Charlie found it in a sump on June 27th and gave it to Dawn three days later. He repeatedly collapsed when he remembered his ordeal – and said he was being followed by guilt over her death.
He told us, "I'm still worried that the Novichok could kill me if I get any virus again – it's always in my memory. I'm afraid of a cold.
"When I first came out of the hospital, I was satisfied. Maybe it was too early because a few weeks later I was blind and could not use my left arm for meningitis.
"I remember that I lost all balance and suffered tunnel vision. The doctors told me that I had suffered many strokes and that I needed a heart treatment and a pacemaker. This has everything to do with the Novichok.
"Before that I could jog, run, now I can not walk without getting out of breath. I still suffer from my arm not functioning properly and my eyesight and balance still not right.
I can not move, I can not see properly and I keep thinking that it happens again, it's scary. "
Charlie remembered giving the bottle to Dawn and added, "I remember saying that I have something for you," and I went and got the perfume. I found it in a charity. I had not heard the mark and could not read the name because I'm a dyslexic, but she recognized her and said the name was really good. The perfume was sealed, so I cut open the packet and attached the bottle and dispenser.
"While I did, I covered my hands with it. I sniffed it and noticed that it was almost odorless, which I thought was strange, but Dawn realized it, so I did not think so.
She splashed it on her wrists and rubbed them together, and it was oily on my hands, so I went to the sink and washed it off.
"Fifteen minutes later, Dawn said she had a headache and went to the bathroom. I found her convulsively in the bathroom and foamed at the mouth. She was still fully dressed.
"I called 999. I screamed and tried to help her while I waited for the ambulance while the operator told me how to perform the resuscitation.
"I said to Dawn," Please do not do that, wake up, please do not leave me. "It felt like the ambulance had to arrive, I was torn apart, I'm usually not religious, but I prayed that she would survive.
"I was okay after touching the bottle for the first time because I had washed my hands. When I returned to the apartment, I think I was infected by the tap again.
"I remember feeling sick suddenly, then I woke up in the hospital and saw myself on the television news.
About a week later, the doctors told me, "Your partner died." I was in tears for weeks and constantly collapsed.
"I had the feeling that I poisoned Dawn and everyone else accused me. I felt suicidal. I wish I had died earlier than Dawn because I felt I had killed her. At one point, I said I would jump out the hospital window.
"My head turned in a circle."
Charlie had previously been suffering from drug problems and Dawn was a restorative alcoholic when they met in a living quarters in Salisbury.
Shortly before the tragedy, he got his own apartment near Amesbury. He said, "About three years ago, I lost a friend to drug abuse, which was horrible. I found her dead in a bedroom.
"Then I met Dawn and she helped me with it. We had been together for a year and our relationship was outstanding. She wanted me to loop a ring on her finger. I wish I could have done that for her.
"She was such a caring person. I wake up every night, hear sounds and think Dawn is in the house. I often dream about her – really nightmares – and often have flashbacks. I think I am suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder. "
Five people were poisoned in the attack – former Russian double agent Sergei Skripal, his daughter Yulia, Dawn, Charlie and Det Sgt Nick Bailey, 38, who were involved in the investigation.
But Charlie feels less respected by the authorities than the others. He said, "I have progressed as far as possible without support.
"The system is faulty. I need a consultation. If the authorities offered help, I would accept it. I feel disappointed. "
A British probe found GRU agents named Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov of Russia to assassinate Skripal with Novichok, a nerve agent developed by the Soviet Union.
Charlie said, "I want them and people who have ordered poisoning to be higher, higher. I want justice for Dawn. "
Meanwhile, Charlie suffered another trauma when his house was broken. He was told that he could be harmed by the Criminal Injuries Authority for his poison injury, but it could take 10 years.
And he added, "I do not think I'll be alive in 10 years, it was awful."
Putin agents fatal blow
2nd March: Hitmen Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov fly with the Aeroflot flight SU2588 from Moscow to Gatwick. Novichok is housed in a fake perfume bottle in carry-on luggage.
3 March: They check in at the City Stay Hotel in Bow, East London, take the train to Salisbury for the reconnaissance mission – and return to London.
4th of March: Grinning killers on CCTV in Salisbury before spraying the neurotoxin on Sergei Skripel's front door. Victim and daughter Yulia visit Zizzis Diner and The Mill Pub before they are found slumped on the park bench. They spend weeks in hospital before recovery and are now in a safe house.
March 12th: Theresa May says it is "very likely" that Russia is behind the poisoning and expels 23 diplomats. 27 countries follow this example.
17. March: Russia takes revenge by identifying the same number of British diplomats.
March 22: Det Sgt Nick Bailey, who became ill after visiting the scene, is released from hospital.
June 27: Charlie Rowley finds a perfume bottle in a trash can in Salisbury. Girlfriend Dawn Sturgess sprays it on her wrists. She dies 10 days later. Charlie is in the hospital but survives.
July 4th: Police declare a "serious incident" after Dawn revealed that Charlie had been exposed to an "unknown substance".
5th July: Interior Minister Sajid Javid accuses Russia of using Britain as a "storage room for poison" and demands answers.
5th September: CPS announces charges against Petrov and Boshirov, loyal to GRU spies against President Vladimir Putin.
13.september: The two appear on Russian television and claim that they went to Salisbury as tourists to see the cathedral "famous for its 123 meter high spire and clock".